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<title>and hate, she did fervently by flimsycoats</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26081719">and hate, she did fervently</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/flimsycoats/pseuds/flimsycoats'>flimsycoats</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Bittersweet I think, F/F, Self-Indulgent, WHY DID THEY NOT END UP TOGETHER, all mailee stans know is pain, gay &lt;33, i love them, mailee, mailee RIGHTS, mentions azula, my main ship, replenish the Mailee tag on AO3 2020, this is a high school au if u squint hard enough, this is just mai being in denial</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 03:07:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,190</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26081719</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/flimsycoats/pseuds/flimsycoats</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“But Mai told her, with each cup of tea she personally served her, with each strand of hair she let her hands run through whenever they were alone together; with each quiet laughter they shared whenever the other whispered a joke under her breath, with each ever passing star they saw together whenever they were out on a midnight stroll.</p><p>And that would have to be enough for now.”</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mai/Ty Lee (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and hate, she did fervently</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She never really knew when or how it happened.</p><p>Well, to be fair, most of the time <em>Mai</em>  never cared enough to remember. But it was different this time—different because it was starting to bother her. Different because it was distracting her from her daily routine. Different because a foreign swirl of emotions had been circling her system for <em>months</em> but she still hasn't figured out what exactly she was feeling.</p><p>But she knew one thing, however. She knew that no matter how much Azula insisted, she was <em>not</em> in love with Ty Lee.</p><p>
  <em>“It's so painstakingly obvious that you're in love with her, Mai, and it's honestly starting to become sickening.” </em>
</p><p>Were Azula's exact words, more or less. The intimidating female had opened up the topic during their Prom in Junior year, when Ty Lee was preoccupied by the countless men and women alike who asked her to dance. Mai was unknowingly sending out death glares to anyone who approached Ty Lee that night (she was unsure if it was because of the spiked punch, or if the majority of their class was just beginning to really get on her nerves).</p><p>Azula was ruthless, especially when it came to matters she deemed as irrelevant. She didn't even provide Mai enough time to process things, soon divulging away from the topic before Mai could be given the chance to explain herself.</p><p>Not that there was much to explain, anyway.</p><p>Because the sudden bursts of euphoria whenever she saw Ty Lee dancing was mere jealousy masked as adoration, probably because Mai knew she would never be as passionate as Ty Lee was when it came to.. anything, really. It was forced exuberance—or so she convinced herself. She assured herself countless times that her eyes never twinkled with curiosity and bewilderment whenever her best friend twirled to the sound of music; why would she, anyway? Dancing was stupid. A waste of time.</p><p>And Ty Lee was stupid, too, Mai often thinks to herself.</p><p>But only because she left Mai absent-mindedly yearning for more whenever her hands lightly traced hers; leaving trails of stars on her skin, fragile and delicate constellations, always tugging Mai back to her like some kind of gravitational pull.</p><p>Stupid, stubborn Ty Lee who always insists on walking Mai back home just so she wouldn't want to kill herself out of supposed loneliness; the same one who would constantly berate her for eating alone in one corner of their classroom during lunch break.</p><p>Stupid, beautiful Ty Lee who always flashed Mai the brightest of smiles.</p><p>Oh, she hated her for smiling like that. For smiling like she actually cared about her. She hated Ty Lee for always, always being patient, for being understanding.</p><p>And hate, Mai <em>always</em> did fervently.</p><p>Yet she could never actually hate her. Not when she was kind enough to hold out her hand for Mai to take whenever she needed her. Not when she was the only one who stood by her side for better or for worse.</p><p>But not hating her didn't necessarily mean that Mai automatically loved her.</p><p>No matter how many times Azula persisted, she'd never admit that the swirl of uncertainty that'd been haunting her for weeks was because she was in love with Ty Lee. </p><p>If anything, perhaps it was just the lasting effects of Azula's blatant bullying; which was probably masked as light teasing. Some sort of ploy to drive Ty Lee away from Mai. Or maybe it was Azula who was in love with Ty Lee, and this was her way of confiding in Mai—whichever it was, she wasn't going to let it get the best of her.</p><p>She'll figure all of this out soon, anyway. There was always a gray area between love and hate—it wasn't always one or the other, after all; it wasn't binary. It shouldn't be too hard to settle on an emotion.</p><p>She'll settle for none of the extremes this time.</p><p>Then again, it's not like she had a problem between choosing whether she hated or loved something in the past. Because even though hate, Mai always did with a burning passion, she'd never dwelled long enough in a loving environment to actually know what it feels like to be in love, or what it feels like to love anything, in general; as cynical as that sounds.</p><p>Mai's unfamiliarity of love was already enough reason to deny Azula's shallow assumptions.</p><p>Then, there's also the fact that she doesn't really know<br/>
what it feels like to <em>be</em>  loved—but she's been aroumd Ty Lee long enough to know one thing; Mai knows what it feels like to want something (or <em>someone</em>) so clearly out of grasp.</p><p>To yearn for something more than platonic kisses under the moon, something more than intertwined hands hidden under the table during shared family dinners.</p><p>Mai would never tell Ty Lee about that, however. At least, not directly. She knew all too well that she would only stumble on finding the right words to say.</p><p>But Mai told her, with each cup of tea she personally served her, with each strand of hair she let her hands run through whenever they were alone together; with each quiet laughter they shared whenever the other whispered a joke under her breath, with each ever passing star they saw together whenever they were out on a midnight stroll.</p><p>And that would have to be enough for now.</p><p>In truth, it was enough—for Ty Lee, that is. She's known Mai long enough to figure out that she wasn't as vocal as Azula, that she wasn't as showy as herself; but she cared. She constantly denied it, but Ty Lee had always known.</p><p>But she pushed down the thought of ever expressing her feelings to Mai, in fear that she would tell Ty Lee that she was overanalyzing things, and that her small acts of service were just merely tokens of gratitude because Ty Lee was Mai's only friend.</p><p>
  <em>Friend.</em>
</p><p>Mai hated that word, too. Especially when she heard it from Ty Lee.</p><p>
  <em>Mai's my best friend. We've been friends since we were five.</em>
</p><p>But still—that didn't mean she was in love with her. It irked her, sure, and saying it had always left a bitter taste in her mouth, but that was probably just Mai's skepticism talking.</p><p>Oh, but it stung, though. It tugged on her heartstrings.</p><p>It was hard not to believe that Mai didn't hate Ty Lee for turning her inside out; for utterly confusing her at her wits' end. The proof was there—the pain was apparent.</p><p>And that would have been easier for her; way easier, truth be told. The uncertainty and frustrations that constantly clouded her mind would fade away. However, even though Mai wanted to so desperately hate Ty Lee—she could never; at least, not in this lifetime.</p><p>The swirling emotions would just have to wait a few more years. Because she'll figure this out—she will. For now, she'll trudge on, with hate and indifference weighing on her shoulders.</p><p>And hate, she'll do fervently, but <em>never</em> at Ty Lee.</p>
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